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Book Club Questions

Conception through Pregnancy

1)  The author talks about how her desire for children changed over time.  Was that true for you?

2)  When did you decide that you wanted to be a mother?

3)  How did you feel when you found out you would be a mother soon?

4)  What was your biggest challenge in adopting or becoming pregnant?  What did you learn from that experience?  How will that new learning make you a better mother?

5)  The author talks about her pregnancy taking on a new dimension once she could feel her baby move.

When did your pregnancy or impending adoption feel “real” to you?

6)  How did this period in your life affect you?  Did you change any habits?  Think differently?  Wish or dream about new things?  Did any new fears arise?  How did you deal with these things?

7) What was your biggest challenge during this time? How did you deal with it? What did you learn?


Labor and Birth

1)  The author talks about planning for a natural birth.  What did you assume about labor and birth or meeting your baby for the first time before it all happened?

2)  How do you feel about the events surrounding the birth of your baby? 

3)  How do you feel about the social worker’s suggestion that the author would need to “mourn the birth [she] did not have”?

4)  The author talks about angels whispering in her ear concerning rushing to the hospital if she ever saw blood, and about the art project where she drew the face of a surgeon.  Did you have any intuitions about your baby or the birth of your baby?


Feeding and the Body

1)  The author talks about her challenges in feeding her baby.  What were your expectations about feeding your baby?  How is the reality the same or different? What has surprised you about the choices around feeding your baby?  What is your favorite moment?

2)  The author talks about her feelings toward her body after the birth of her baby.  If you became a mother through your own pregnancy did you feel differently about your body after giving birth?

3)  How has becoming a mother affected how you think about your body?  About women’s bodies in general?

4)  The author talks about how profoundly sleep deprivation affected her.  Could you relate to that experience?  What is/was your biggest sleep related challenge?  Who is helping/helped you through this time?


Becoming a Mother

1)  What has been your proudest moment as a mother?

2)  How has becoming a mother changed you?  What do you think differently about?

3)  Has being a mother changed your relationship with your own mother?

4)  If your baby could talk, what wonderful things would he/she say about you?  What gold star do you deserve?  What do you do really well as a mother?

5)  What is your biggest challenge right now?  How has that changed over time?  How do you see it changing in the future?

6)  What are the beautiful moments that you “called out” today?  This week?  This month? 


Work, Home and Criticism

1)  How do you feel about working outside the home or being a stay at home mother?  Is this hard to discuss with other mothers who may or may not feel the same way you do?  How might you overcome this challenge?

2)  The author talks about feeling tempted to compete with other mothers.  Have you felt that way?  How did you deal with it?                                                

3)  The author talks about having the way she mothers criticized by others.  Has this happened to you?  Have you found some criticism hard to shake off?  Why do you think it bothered you so much? Was any part of their criticism true?

4)  The author states, “When talking to mothers about our lives we must find a balance between discouraging martyrdom and honoring the service of motherhood.”  How can we do that as mothers?  How do you feel about the way the media deals with this topic?


Spirituality and Mothering

1)  The author calls mothering her spiritual practice.  How do you feel about that perspective?

2)  Do you agree with the author that becoming a mother is a rite of passage? 

3)  Do you pray?



1)  The author talks about being able to see the repercussions of her choices only after coming out on the other side of the first transformative years of mothering.  Could you relate to that statement?  Do you think you will be able to relate to that statement in the future?

2)  The author states:  “If we seek approval for our mothering through the performance of our children, we risk making them like us rather than helping them to become who they are meant to be.”  Do you agree?

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